Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend