he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?