my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober