I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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