In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
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You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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