i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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