fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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