the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
