I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null