she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.