i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You are the jesus of drinking
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.