All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
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Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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