Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
