trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Randomize
