Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
