If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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