You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
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max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night