theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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