I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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