just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
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Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.