i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter