it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.