i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."