It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick