just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.