my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
