Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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