I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
