LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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