I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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