I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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