I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
