I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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