well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize