Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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