Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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