Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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