Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
