Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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