Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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