My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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