All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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