Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i love accidental penises.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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