Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
