While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
