even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
