I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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