I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
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she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.