Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.