Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.