Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful