I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.