It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize