Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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