at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
