Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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