Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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