i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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