I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.