I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize