69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
