Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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