wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
