Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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We don't watch enough power rangers
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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